Parenting: Preparing Them for Life

 

I have never had a child, but I think I am beginning to better understand the challenge of parenting.  I can recall several instances as a teenager when my parents would do/say something that opposed what I wanted, and I thought was completely unreasonable.  Like when I wanted a phone and my parents would not allow it.  Or when I would make a bad decision and receive a consequence for it.  When things like this happened, a thought similar to this would often cross my mind: “When I’m a parent, I am NEVER going to do that.”  I’m sure most of you had thoughts similar to that growing up too.  I think thoughts like that usually stem from the misunderstood idea that a parent’s job is to give you what you want to make you happy.

Michael Popkin’s says that the purpose of parenting is to, “protect and prepare children to survive and thrive in the world in which they live.”  Preparing, means that our children have to face opposition, and consequences in their growing up years.  As I have studied parenting this week, I have gained a better understanding of what good parenting actually is.  Often times, parents try to please their kids to avoid conflict.  Though this may seem like a good option, good parenting follows a pattern of responding to children’s needs—not their wants.  Sometimes what they need most conflicts with what they want, but if we respond to a child’s needs, they are much less likely to act out.  Though it can be difficult to see the benefit of this in the moment, it is proven successful in the long-term scheme of things.

The first step to adequately preparing your children for the real world, is giving them choices and caring about their opinion.  Children have a need for power, and if they feel powerless, they will act out in rebellion.  We can respond to this need for power by giving them simple choices from day-to-day.  For younger kids, it can be a choice as simple as choosing what they wear to school, or choosing what movie to watch, or what game to play.  Once they are older, it can be more significant choices, such as what consequence they will receive for not being home for curfew. 

When a child is faced with a problem, it can be especially helpful to offer choices.  This can help empower them to solve their own problems with a little help from you (who is more qualified to help).  This allows your child to have freedom, within limits.  You can place limits that will protect them, while still allowing them to choose within those safe limits. 

Though giving children choices is important, it is even more important to let them experience the natural consequences of their choices.  Often times parents want to rescue a child from a failed choice that he/she made, but this does not teach a child that their choices have consequences.  Another common mistake parents make is rewarding or punishing their children.  This is a way of manipulating consequences.  It creates a fake reality for kids, so when they reach the real world, they will not be as capable of dealing with more realistic consequences of their choices. 

One other important way to prepare your children and help them grow, is by giving them opportunities to be challenged.  Kids have a need for challenge; in fact, they actually gain a significant amount of satisfaction from it.  One way to challenge them is by getting them involved in hobbies, like crafts and art.  You can teach them new skills, let them play sports, and do things that push them past what they are currently experiencing.  Though kids may not always have the foresight to appreciate the opposition this life gives them, they will one-day appreciate the persistence of parents who loved them enough to challenge them. Something profound that my professor said this week, regarding parenting and children is: “we aren’t just trying to get them through their day, we are trying to prepare them for life”—we can do that by allowing them to face opposition with encouragement and loving support.  Though they may not thank you for it right now, they surely will one day, when they find themselves adequately prepared to thrive through the challenges of their life.