Family Culture: Cut or Keep?

 

Imagine this: you are lying on your death bed with your family surrounding you.  You know you are going to die soon, and are trying to prepare for the reality of the ending ahead.  Your one wish is that your impact won’t be forgotten.  I think each of us wants to have a positive impact on our families.  How can we do that? What can we do now, that will influence our family even long after we are gone? What will you begin in your family that will be passed on for generations and generations? 

Culture.  There are different cultures all around, that influence us in ways we rarely realize.  We all have habits in our lives that we do simply because that’s what those around us do, or because that’s what those before us did  As humans, I think there is comfort in copying what those before us did. The idea of having beliefs and ways of life that feel familiar brings security and unity.  Culture is a set of collective beliefs in a social group. These sets of beliefs greatly impact all that we do.  Just how impactful are these sets of beliefs in a given culture? Well there’s a quote by Gandhi that show just how impactful these cultural beliefs can be. It says:

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,

Your thoughts become your words,

Your words become your actions,

Your actions become your habits,

Your habits become your values,

Your values become your destiny.”

In some ways, our culture can lead to our destiny.  That’s a lot of power.  Culture is powerful, and it can be a powerful tool in our families.  Just like any tool, culture can be used for good or for bad.  It can be used to unify families and create a sense of familiarity and belonging, or it can also create a sense of restriction and unnecessary bad habits.  The key to culture is to carefully choose aspects of culture we want to keep in our families so that those cultures can be carried on even past our own lives. That way when we are laying in that death bed, we have no question about what our children and their children and their children’s children will do.

A culture in my own family that I hope lasts forever is the culture of high expectations.  It is simply expected that we strive to do good in school, work, spiritual learning, extracurricular activities, and every other aspect of our lives.  Being studious is simply “what we do.” This culture has greatly impacted me, because I have always tried to do my best in different aspects of my life.  Trying my best has become engrained into who I am as person.  And that came simply from the beliefs that my family holds. 

On the other side, a culture in my family that I hope does not perpetuate, is the culture of planning.  My family has always seemed to be very structured and planned. This is good in some ways, because it allows for productivity, but often times it makes it difficult to be spontaneous.  It can be difficult to do things that perhaps weren’t in the plans.  I think it can be beneficial to do something that is not set in stone.  I know it is possible to create a more of a culture of spontaneity.  I think it honestly just starts with me.  I can choose to do things spontaneously, and invite family members along.  As I do that, I think that aspect of my family’s culture could change. 

Really, I think that we can each have a great impact on the culture of our families.  Often times the culture of a family doesn’t change, simply, because no one has showed them a better way.  I often saw this when I lived in Arkansas, with families who lived in rough homes. The children grew up in bad situations, and because no one ever broke that chain, they just followed in the path of their parents.  But it does not have to be that way!  One of the most inspiring things to me is when a child chooses to make something better out of their life, despite their environment.  It’s powerful when people use their agency, rather than submitting to the potential limits placed on them by culture and tradition. Please be that person who breaks the chain in your own family…well break the chain for the negative aspects of your family culture, but fortify the chain for the aspects of your family’s culture that your love.  You can be the one to make a difference.

 

Art by: christianpsart