What Will They Remember?

 

What are your children going to remember in 10 years? What about 20 years?  Reflecting on my own childhood, I feel that some of my most treasured memories are often the least expected.  I have fond memories of long car trips, hot, exhausting gardening sessions, and not-so-luxurious camping trips.  One might say that a first-class plane ride is more favorable than a car ride in a stuffed van.  People may say that a meal on a silver platter is favorable to breaking your back over a garden, or that a five-star hotel is better than a camping trip, but my experiences tell a different story.  Pondering this phenomenon begs the question:  what really counts?  There’s a common phrase that I see embedded in the fabric of my memories.  This phrase simply says, “Not all that counts can be counted, and not all that can be counted counts.”

Today I want to focus on this quote in relation to families.  What truly counts when it comes to family? What can you stop losing sleep over?  I want to address these questions specifically in relation to the topic of work and finances in the family. 

We live in a day and age where we are inclined to think that less stress and work leads to a better life.  We think that more money means more happiness and a better family life. These unspoken beliefs lead us to treat life like a slot machine, thinking that if we put in one thing, we will get exactly what we want on the other end.  However, this is not the case, because the most meaningful family life does not always come from what we would expect.  

Family work: We tend to associate work with stress, sadness, exhaustion, whining, and lack of fun.  Sometimes we fail to see the value in hard work, especially within the family.  Work in the family (work like: gardening family chores, mowing the lawn, meal prep, family business, and other family tasks) may be seem like things to avoid, but there are so many underappreciated benefits to these parts of life. Working together as a family provides opportunities for opposition in the family.  This opposition can actually strengthen relationships amongst family members.  They provide opportunities to love and respect one another under unideal circumstances.  It’s easy to love someone when you are having fun together.  BUT, it’s an even greater sign of love if you can love your family members in the hot sun, with sweat dripping down your face, and poky weeds that won’t come out of the hard ground.  This sort of work also gives family members the opportunity to serve and get outside of themselves. It teaches selflessness by allowing children to contribute to something that benefits more than just their self.    

Something else that we often count wrong in the family is money.  We tend to lean toward faulty thought processes such as:  the more money we have, the better off our family will be, or the more technology we have, the more convenient our life will be and the more time we will have.  It is thought processes like these that prove the statement: “not all that can be counted counts.” It is easy to quantify the paycheck that you get from your 40-hour job (which requires you to absent from your children’s sports, which requires you not to make dinner for your family, which leaves you exhausted and unable to help your daughter with her homework).  On the flip side, it is impossible to quantify the good that comes from the conversation you have with your daughter picking her up from school, and the love you can express to her as she stubs her toe while playing outside, or the memories you create as your son helps you make dinner each night.  Who can quantify the effects of a parent on their child from day-to-day? The value in those small, seemingly insignificant moments could never be quantified, but it doesn’t mean that it matters less, because it can’t be measured like your paycheck can.

Don’t make the mistake of sacrificing important aspects of your family life for a paycheck.  Though it may be hard to see, your children will remember your available love and support (as a mother or father) more than they will remember your financial status.  In life we have a hard time sacrificing time and energy when we cannot immediately see the fruits of what we are working for.  Though you may not always see how your family is benefitting from working together, the value of teaching hard work is priceless. “The important events are not the great ones, but the infinitely numerous and apparently inconsequential ordinary ones, which, taken together, are fare more effective and significant” (Gary Saul Morson).